The Curious Case of Arthur Kaliyev

There are stories so powerful, so connected that it rocks the foundation of our civilization as we know it.

Watergate. The Panama Papers. The Hong Kong riots.

We can now add one more story to that list: the Arthur Kaliyev saga.

The history of the entire universe is billions of years in the making, but that isn't even close to as long as the Erie Otters have been fielding calls, making decisions and then back-peddling with their handling of superstar Arthur Kaliyev.

Such a happy tale all started so awfully, with a prior GM drawing gasps and awes on the draft conference call as it was reported that Erie, a team that desperately needed to rebuild in the wake of consecutive competitive years under the likes of Connor McDavid, Dylan Strome and Alex Debrincat, had done the unthinkable and made an all-in move. They sent the 6th overall pick in the OHL priority selection, normally a player that would net you a foundational player to build around, their 2nd and 3rd round picks, as well as two additional future picks to the Hamilton Bulldogs. In return, the electric Arthur Kaliyev.


Now the master plan was in place, the Erie Otters would win the 2019 Memorial Cup with Arthur Kaliyev and absolutely no supporting cast. The blueprint, while unorthodox had never worked in the history of sports so the confidence around the Otters management team was palpable. The only thing the hockey team needed for that guaranteed championship was a second and third line, a handful of defensemen, a starting goalie, and a miracle.

They say miracles work in mysterious ways. We can only imagine how it played out. Waking up from a fevered dream where he'd faced the ghosts of Otters past, present, and future, former Erie GM Nikita Karandashov saw what wickedness he has wrought upon the good people of Erie, and did the only noble thing left to do after such a carefully calculated offseason: he resigned.

Now cue our troubled hero, Pistol Pete. He was called upon and accepted the job to take over the Erie Otters. Janitors at Taco Bell can maybe relate to the pile of crap that Pete walked into trying to make the Otters great again.

For Pete, with great responsibility comes great power, if that power were an unwavering ability to not make any decision. Right now, in the FOHL, Pete is the prettiest girl at the ball. Everyone wants a dance, and he's got a trail of suitors longer than Zdeno Chara's stick.

With everyone swiping right on his Kaliyev trade block, Pete's phone has been blowing up. He's at home, messages beeps break the silence. He's trying to cook some dinner, and his phone keeps flashing. He tries to take his girlfriend out for a movie, but the vibration of trade offers won't stop. He closes his eyes at night, all he sees in his dreams are offers and actual cannibal Shia LeBeouf.

If completing a trade were akin to the popular euphemism involving rounding bases in baseball, then we'd say Oshawa rounded third base, while Ottawa was inches away from the home base, at the same time that Barrie was rounding second, and Guelph was being walked onto first base. I don't know a lot about baseball or it's euphemisms, which is why I spend so much time on the internet, but that seems like too many runners all within scoring distance.

So what does Erie actually need? At this point, everyone involved, including Athur Kaliyev is kind of tired. This is like the third hour of an epic saga, where the audience is just like holy shit Frodo, put down your lightsaber and just give Voldermort the infinity stones so we can all go home. It's clear that Kaliyev's time in Erie is over. The dream team is breaking up, the Memorial Cup parade for the Otters cancelled.

GM Pete needs to take a long look in the mirror and assess what offers are giving him. And not one of those slimming mirrors at American Eagle, cause it might be ugly when the entirety of the Erie Otters is assessed.  He's in a no win, no lose situation. Whatever he gets won't be what his deposed predecessor paid to Hamilton, and whenever he acts, that will set up the Otters for their next dynasty run.

But what he does need to do is act. And soon.

This is in no way meant to bash or shame Petey. He's in the most unenviable position in the league. He's the new guy in a league of established GMs, with an established trade market and he's got the best trade asset we'll probably ever see. He's like Charlize Theron getting into a pool filled with Harvey Weinsteins, and to his credit he's actually taking his time with the weight of the decision. He knows it makes or breaks the future of the Otters, and he knows his legacy will be tied to this trade forever. He's a key player in what has become the biggest saga in FOHL history, so this is just an oral history of the ballad of Arthur Kaliyev.

We love you Pete. Hugs and kisses.